“Campus Rape Culture“
What in the hell does that phrase even mean? A quick google search defines campus as “the grounds and buildings of a university or college”. Yes, I’m familiar with this term. Google defines rape as “a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration perpetrated against a person without that person’s consent”. This is a truly heinous crime. Culture is “the arts and manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively”. All three of the words are elementary in the English language, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around the connotations associated when the three words come together as “campus rape culture”, which we’ve been led to believe is somewhat similar to a contagious virus sweeping through every fraternity house, transforming our fun-loving young men of the world into diabolic rapists. This is particularly strange to me, because when I look around, when I talk to people, I see nothing but harmless young adults on a quest for a good time, and an education.
Yet, everywhere you look – on Twitter, in the papers, in your local news – “Campus rape culture” floods around as the hottest catchphrase of the decade. Countless articles are published demanding universities to become more involved with stopping this treacherous campus rape epidemic, columns are calling for the age-old fraternities built on tradition and brotherhood to be shut down, and for the scariest part, hundreds posts pleading with girls on campus to start redefining their idea of rape, and to question if every MUTUAL sexual encounter may in fact fall under the ever-increasing, all-encompassing “rape” tagline.
Time and time again, a story arises stirring up the collected social justice conscience of the bored Women’s Studies major Starbucks baristas of the world, turning a rape cry into a national crisis. Emma Sulkowicz desperately screamed for attention by dragging a her goddamn mattress around Columbia’s campus, internally shouting, “hey everyone, look at me!” Her story had more holes than Bonnie & Clyde’s V8 Ford. Under constitutional due process, our nation’s legal experts, who have devoted their lives to such issues, deemed that the accused rapist could under no circumstances be found guilty. Then there was the asinine Rolling Stone article defaming and slandering a University of Virginia fraternity, under a bed of petty lies. And so on. CNN released a documentary eloquently titled, The Hunting Ground, as if every college campus is crawling with rape-hungry madmen hell-bent of violently raping every innocent girl walking to class. Or perhaps they believe fraternities meet weekly to conspire their “hunting” tactics in the form of slipping Roofies into those tequila shots at the next party. I can’t tell which notion is more ludicrous.
Men read these articles and things start getting weird, as the whole goddamn country seems to be spiraling into madness. This past fall, Mike Cernovich, a respected voice for men who gives tons of great advice to guys, released a video post stating that young men should not go to college because of “campus rape culture”. He tells young men “your liberty is in peril”, because if you go to college and you’re a guy and you like to have fun and you have sex with girls, you will get likely get charged with rape. Come on man, how out of touch are you? How long has it been since you went to a college party? Stop reading bullshit sensationalist headlines and come back down to earth. Here’s my reply to you, Mike – advocating young men avoid college because of campus rape culture is quite frankly, retarded. You can make your argument that college might not be a worthy investment for some young men under other assumptions, but saying, ‘don’t go to college because you’ll probably get a rape charge’, is laughable. Under that fear, you might as well never go swimming in the ocean because you’ll get eaten by a shark. While you’re at it kids, stay in your mom’s basement eating Hot Pockets and playing Xbox, because you know, at least there you’ll be safe from the evil campus rape culture.
Enough with the media and the headlines. Here I am, Jordan Soze, a young college male, reporting live from ground zero – a state college campus in the United States of America, the supposed hub of the rape epidemic. Now, let me firmly state, that any man who actually rapes a woman is pathetic scum. If you have to force a girl to have sex with you, you are a worthless waste of humanity and deserve to have your dick submerged in a vat of Hydrochloric Acid. Rape is a horrible, heinous crime. But let’s be real and gain some perspective from actual college students who haven’t been carried away by the boogeyman terror of “Campus rape culture”. And let’s not give voice to journalists who have been long removed from college being paid to create mythical hysteria in the form of propagating the lie of “campus rape culture” for more website clicks. To say that rape doesn’t happen at all on college campuses is obviously untrue and wrong, but it is far more exaggerated than reality indicates.
I have not heard of one single instance of me, or any of my friends, ever coming across a situation that has ever made us weary of a rape charge. Three of my close guy friends here at school, who are three good-looking, silver-tongued ladies men, get laid very often. The four of us have collectively had sex with hundreds of girls. This includes every subset of college girl on campus – sorority girls, shy girls from class, artsy girls – all of them. These girls have been bedded from all sorts of circumstances including college bars, drunken nights at house parties, picking up girls from class, pulling girls from the library, even Tinder hookups. Not one of us have ever been charged with rape. It’s a miracle, right? Campus rape culture says that sex-hungry young men will use whatever force necessary to get laid, right? Campus rape culture says that girls can easily flip a switch down the road and accuse us of rape because they suddenly regret it or had too many drinks to consent. Yet, this has magically never happened. Why? Because campus rape culture is bullshit.
Throughout my years, there was one single encounter, one time, where I thought “this doesn’t seem right”. I was hooking up with a girl, who happened to be a sociology major. I knew this because she felt the need to say so every ten minutes. While in bed, heavily making out, she firmly stated her intent to have sex with me. It was consensual, it was on. As I’m feeling around her body and the encounter is consensually escalating, I placed her hand on my dick, which is a common thing to do in the normal act of seduction. Her response was, “don’t force me”. I thought to myself, ummm… okay and continued making out with her for five to ten minutes, feeling her up and whatnot. She was thoroughly enjoying it, breathing heavily, whispering vile things that she wants me to do to her. Once again, after five to ten minutes, I placed her hand on my dick and she said, “don’t force me”. I was not forcing anything – she verbally stated she wanted to have sex with me, but she was just looking for any possible way to enforce her “rape culture” infested brain, turning an innocuous, mutual sexual encounter into an uncomfortable situation. Instead of naturally allowing seduction to unfold, she felt the need to make a power move and make the whole thing awkward and unsexy. After this, I simply rolled over in bed, and said goodnight. Mind you, I was as drunk as you can be before blacking out, and my testosterone fueled sex driven brain still had the sense to say this isn’t worth it. After saying goodnight, she shockingly responded, “wait, come on!” I replied, “No, goodnight”. She started poking me to wake me up in an attempt to get me to keep trying to have sex with her. I sternly said, “stop touching me”, and went to bed.
So, there you have my collegiate experience in the context of “campus rape culture”. I’ve had fun and never once worried about my freedom being in question due to a miscommunication in consent. To further this, I took it upon myself to phone a good friend of mine at a different college in a different state. His school is renowned across the nation for its parties, girls, and football. This is another good-looking guy who’s had a high number of one-night-stands over the years. After brief introductions, I got the ball rolling…
JS: How many girls have you had sex with in college?
JS: How many times have you been charged with rape?
JS: Interesting. Have any of your friends or fraternity brothers ever been charged with rape?
JS: What happens when you’re in bed with a girl, and all the sudden she’s resisting what you assumed was going to be a sexual encounter?
Friend: I mean, I hate that. Can’t lie. I’ll make out with her more, see if I can seduce her, and if not, I won’t make a big deal about it. Usually they just want to be seduced further because they don’t want me to think they’re too easy or a slut or whatever. Sometimes they really just don’t want to have sex, and that’s fine too. If she’s cool, it’s whatever.
JS: I feel it. [After telling my aforementioned “don’t force me” story, I asked…] Any experience with girls who were weird or gave you a strange vibe?
Friend: Not really. One girl cried because she had a boyfriend. Other than that, every girl has just wanted to have fun. And more often than not, fuck. Get them into bed and they want the same shit as we do. The difference is many of them are hugely concerned with their reputation and being called a slut. They just don’t want you to judge them for fucking around. No rapey vibes, if that’s what you’re asking.
The conversation concluded with him again reinforcing my notion, across the country, that the whole campus rape hysteria is overblown bullshit. In addition, I took it upon myself to further my quest for information on this topic, which has been bugging me this past year. So, for further input, I decided to get the female perspective. Again, I talked with a girl who happens to be a good friend of mine. This girl is a hot brunette 21 year old, gets hit on all the time, is no stranger to the one-night stand, and is very open about her sexual history with me.
JS: How many guys have you had sex with in college?
JS: How many of those were one night stands vs relationships?
Girl: Probably fifteen are one night stands, but I knew a lot of the guys before through mutual friends or something. But we hooked up once and didn’t again. I don’t know if that counts. I dated a guy for a year. You could say I was talking with the others. [Talking: verb; consistently seeing, but not exclusively dating]
JS: How many times have you been raped?
Girl: Haha, none.
JS: Have any of your friends been raped?
Girl: No! [very enthusiastic tone]
JS: What’s your take on “campus rape culture”?
Girl: I don’t know. Like, I’ve never been forced to do something I didn’t want to do. I can say no if I want to. If I’m in bed with a guy, I usually want him there for a reason. Sometimes I’m on my period and have to resist, sometimes I’ve started making out in bed and realized he isn’t really hot anymore. No one has ever forcefully raped me. Or anything like that.
JS: Hah, yeah I gotcha. What’s your take on drunken black out sex that you regret in the morning?
Girl: There are two guys I got too drunk and fucked when I wished I wouldn’t have. One time I was talking to a guy and fucked his friend and felt really guilty about it, but he didn’t rape me. I know in the moment that I wanted it. He said he didn’t remember it either. Doesn’t that happen to guys way more than girls?
JS: Yeah, I can’t tell you the number of times my friends have gotten too drunk, blacked out, and had sex with a girl well below their caliber. Their response in the morning is usually, “damn, I need to stop blacking out”.
Girl: Come to think of it, I actually regret a lot of them, but whatever. I was never raped. It sucks but I have to take responsibility. Sorry, that’s off topic. What’s your experience? Ever raped a girl?
JS: Ha, of course not. Have you ever initially resisted sex when you actually wanted it?
Girl: Yeah, sometimes I’ll lightly resist initially to make him work harder. But in the end, he’ll know I want it. There’s never been any confusion.
JS: It’s just the process of seduction.
Girl: Yeah. And I know that’s confusing. But that’s the truth.
JS: I know.
We concluded our conversation catching up on life. But once again, a girl who’s had plenty of drunken sexual encounters confirms that campus rape is exaggerated and extremely rare. She confirmed that guys, yes even drunken frat bros, are not rapists – just college kids on a quest for a good time in the form of hook ups.
Here’s my message to guys – if anything ever does feel “wrong” or “off”, just say fuck it and go to bed. No girl is worth the headache. Never rape a girl. And never get mad at a girl for not wanting to have sex with you. She is a person, and believe it or not, she might actually have morals and boundaries. Learn to respect that. There are too many willing girls in the world to push things too far. Pay attention to what she says, and if she doesn’t want to have sex, back off. It’s that easy. For girls, you do not ever deserve to be raped for any reason. However, do not put yourself in compromising situations. If you don’t want to go around having casual sex with guys, do not get wasted and go home with a guy. Guys don’t want to rape you. Avoid the confusion entirely.
I love women. They are our mothers, our sisters, our family, our friends, our girlfriends, our lovers, and yeah, sometimes our outlets for consensual hedonistic hook ups. Women are not the enemy of men, and men are not the enemy of women. I am not here to debate the merits hooking up against monogamous love, but any two consenting adults should be able to do as they please without being brainwashed by sensationalist media propaganda perpetuated for website clicks and ad revenue. Go about your day, your life, and your collegiate careers without stressing over “campus rape culture”, because while isolated incidents of such moral depravity do exist, rape is not an epidemic on college campuses.
Go have a beer, kiss someone you think is pretty, and calm the fuck down.