The Introvert’s Guide to College Social Life

Here’s something that you all may not know about me. Something so crazy and shocking and outrageous, that it might called my entire authority on the college social game into question.
Ready?

 

I’m an introvert.

 

And a pretty big one, too.  Myers-Briggs scores me in something of the 95% percentile of introverted personalities of the general population.

 

Every person I tell this to immediately calls me on it.  Of all people, I’m definitely low on the list of whom those would probably consider introverted.  Shit kind of speaks for itself.

 

People tend to view introverts as shy little hermits.  Who never leave their room, bother to make friends, or even get any pussy.

 

All common misconceptions.
Introversion isn’t some kind of mental disorder. Every living, breathing human being is somewhere on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. It’s just that the majority of people fall more towards the “extrovert” class, especially younger people today.

 

Introversion doesn’t mean you’re a social retard. No, in fact, introverts can be total beasts when it comes to networking and general social function.

 

What introverts CAN’T control is how the whole process makes them feel. Being extensively social and outgoing all day would energize the majority of people. For me, it makes me feel like I just ran a fucking triathlon.  Social events are fun and enjoyable in the moment, but you reach a wall eventually where all you wanna do is fuck off from the crowd and be by yourself for the sake of your sanity.  You don’t hate people, you aren’t antisocial, and you’re not shy.  You are simply at the mercy of how your brain functions, and in the case of introverts, being around a lot of people for an extended period of time is mentally and physically draining in the same right as working out.

 

My ex used to always wonder why I was so dead tired at the end of every day for seemingly no reason. Maybe it was the suicide workouts I did daily, or my fucked up sleep schedule, but I know for a cold hard fact that the constant state of outgoingness I keep myself in day in and day out gasses me the fuck off.  It doesn’t make me depressed or sad or anything like that.  It simply depletes the shit out of my brain and the only way to recharge is to spend time by myself.  There is no way to change that and it’s how I’ll be for the rest of my life, and I’m completely okay with it.

 

Introversion means that being alone is actually extensively enjoyable to you. You don’t mind spending the day hauled up in your room by yourself with a good book or something productive to do, because your personal anatomy has designed you to be refueled and regenerated by doing this.  This is in opposition to an extrovert, who gets nervous and jittery when they spend too much time alone and need social contact just to feel normal again.  This is extensively more common than introversion, hence why 20 somethings nowadays can’t even go grocery shopping without a friend at their side.

 

Now there may be some people who have at this point figured themselves introverts.  Maybe they’re totally cool with it, maybe they’re concerned, or maybe they just totally disregard it.  Whichever way you take it, there’s only one true way to live it out.

 

EMBRACE IT

 

Introversion is an extremely underrated personality trait to have.

 

You can spend extensive amounts of time alone in your room or at the library studying, and feel totally cool with it.  You can work out, go shopping, enjoy a hobby etc. by yourself every once in a while and enjoy it.

 

By default, once you graduate college you’re gonna be spending extensive amounts of time alone, making your own decisions, figuring out who YOU want to be, and making choices for your future that only you have control over.  Being an introvert means you have significantly less stress going about this business, because you’ve grown to know yourself and aren’t extensively defined by people, places or things.  I mean, to some extent you are, everyone is.  For example, I was defined heavily by my friend group and fraternity in my younger years.  But as you grow to know yourself better (and as an introvert, you will), you learn to appreciate those things for what they really are; friends and fun social environments.  Awesome to have, but dangerous to let seep too deeply into your brain.

 

Living and dying exclusively through a group is for women

 

This is different than having a Rat Pack, which is actually important and is completely different from having a co-dependent squad.

 

I digress

 

As some of you know, halfway through my college career I fucked off to Europe for an entire year.  Didn’t do a summer abroad or anything like that, literally just enrolled at a school in Germany and left everything behind.  Literally none of my friends supported my decision, and it shone through.  When I came back between semesters and visited my school, there was already a disconnect forming.  After another semester gone and finally coming back to school in Fall 2014, it was like the world around me had changed.

 

Shit was fucked yo, but my introversion tendencies enabled me to carry on without too much hassle, because I knew myself.

 

Learning how to be by yourself is a critical part of growing up.  Yes, you have your friends in college who you go everywhere with, and that’s cool, so do I.  But part of being a man is learning how to be a functional member of society without another person constantly by your side.  To parlay on that, learning how to be a leader means making your own decisions and taking action without the approval of others.  Is it hard?  Yes.  Unconventional?  Absolutely.  Lonely?  Tell that to the dozens of friends and contacts I’ve lost or cut loose over the years because of decisions I made putting myself first.  Is it worth it?  You bet your shy little kiester.

 

You hear that introverts? Put in some sack and effort, and you can lead in a way no extrovert could dream of.

 

The way I grew up, I can almost guarantee that I would have gone insane had I been an extrovert.  I’ve been in and out of so many different drastically unique social settings during my short lifetime and have left so much behind.  Spending time in my own head allowed me not only to maintain my sanity, but also to realize just how comfortable I was with myself in pretty much any environment, and exactly where my sources of validation flowed from.  Now I’m at a point that if I really wanted to I could probably leave my life behind, fuck off to the Caribbean, open a surf shop and just chill on the beach for the rest of my life (A dream that’s been alive and well in my head for years) and probably be totally fine with it.

 

Point is, you’re not weird, you’re just wired that way.  On the other side of the coin, don’t use it as an excuse to be a reclusive monk during your college years.  Yeah, you may be yearning to stay in after a long week and just relax your chicken friend brain on a Friday night, but that doesn’t do shit to expand your network or get you a slice of poon.  Suck it up, dress well, and go the fuck out and be social.  Yes, it may physically hurt your brain to do so.  Yes, you may need to sleep for 14 hours to recover.  But the end results of actually being social far outweigh those of being a hermit.

 

You’ll survive.  Trust me, I did.

  One thought on “The Introvert’s Guide to College Social Life

  1. Hosswire
    March 13, 2016 at 11:34 pm

    Great insight. The guys who wind up never leaving their hometowns are the extroverts who can’t stand the idea of ever starting over socially from scratch.

    I’m pretty introverted myself. One trick I figured out early was that I didn’t have to befriend & network with huge numbers of people myself to have social options. I could put in time and become pretty good friends with extroverts who had done all that befriending and networking themselves. Then I could spend time with them and have access to all their networks.

  2. DuxFan
    March 16, 2016 at 1:05 am

    I came across this blog a while back having finished college as a loser and a virgin (transferred, was not looking my best at the time, and was not aware of the college game). My school had a big Greek Life scene it took seriously so no luck since I was not in a fraternity. I also transferred which made things complicated, went the community college then 4 year route.

    One thing I want to ask or maybe request that you consider doing a post on is, how do you get over it if you were one of those guys that just missed out?

    I do alright now in my mid 20s and I’ve been with some cute girls who were as young as 19 before but it kinda messes with my head knowing that I was not the man on campus. I was regularly disregarded, ignored by some guys, never taken seriously, and it was a miserable experience. Even though I am doing well in life now, I still feel that burn and anger over having missed out on the “college experience”. I am angry that I didn’t get to go to exclusive parties and hook up with hot girls.

    I am still bitter that I did not get the brotherhood of cool guys to party with, nights in bed with hot girls, and the fun events. As a matter of fact I could not even get a group of friends to go on Spring Break with me.

    What advice would you give to guys like me who are having a tough time getting over it? Is there any way you can do a post on this?

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