Here’s something that you all may not know about me. Something so crazy and shocking and outrageous, that it might called my entire authority on the college social game into question.
I’m an introvert.
And a pretty big one, too. Myers-Briggs scores me in something of the 95% percentile of introverted personalities of the general population.
Every person I tell this to immediately calls me on it. Of all people, I’m definitely low on the list of whom those would probably consider introverted. Shit kind of speaks for itself.
People tend to view introverts as shy little hermits. Who never leave their room, bother to make friends, or even get any pussy.
All common misconceptions.
Introversion isn’t some kind of mental disorder. Every living, breathing human being is somewhere on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. It’s just that the majority of people fall more towards the “extrovert” class, especially younger people today.
Introversion doesn’t mean you’re a social retard. No, in fact, introverts can be total beasts when it comes to networking and general social function.
What introverts CAN’T control is how the whole process makes them feel. Being extensively social and outgoing all day would energize the majority of people. For me, it makes me feel like I just ran a fucking triathlon. Social events are fun and enjoyable in the moment, but you reach a wall eventually where all you wanna do is fuck off from the crowd and be by yourself for the sake of your sanity. You don’t hate people, you aren’t antisocial, and you’re not shy. You are simply at the mercy of how your brain functions, and in the case of introverts, being around a lot of people for an extended period of time is mentally and physically draining in the same right as working out.
My ex used to always wonder why I was so dead tired at the end of every day for seemingly no reason. Maybe it was the suicide workouts I did daily, or my fucked up sleep schedule, but I know for a cold hard fact that the constant state of outgoingness I keep myself in day in and day out gasses me the fuck off. It doesn’t make me depressed or sad or anything like that. It simply depletes the shit out of my brain and the only way to recharge is to spend time by myself. There is no way to change that and it’s how I’ll be for the rest of my life, and I’m completely okay with it.
Introversion means that being alone is actually extensively enjoyable to you. You don’t mind spending the day hauled up in your room by yourself with a good book or something productive to do, because your personal anatomy has designed you to be refueled and regenerated by doing this. This is in opposition to an extrovert, who gets nervous and jittery when they spend too much time alone and need social contact just to feel normal again. This is extensively more common than introversion, hence why 20 somethings nowadays can’t even go grocery shopping without a friend at their side.
Now there may be some people who have at this point figured themselves introverts. Maybe they’re totally cool with it, maybe they’re concerned, or maybe they just totally disregard it. Whichever way you take it, there’s only one true way to live it out.
Introversion is an extremely underrated personality trait to have.
You can spend extensive amounts of time alone in your room or at the library studying, and feel totally cool with it. You can work out, go shopping, enjoy a hobby etc. by yourself every once in a while and enjoy it.
By default, once you graduate college you’re gonna be spending extensive amounts of time alone, making your own decisions, figuring out who YOU want to be, and making choices for your future that only you have control over. Being an introvert means you have significantly less stress going about this business, because you’ve grown to know yourself and aren’t extensively defined by people, places or things. I mean, to some extent you are, everyone is. For example, I was defined heavily by my friend group and fraternity in my younger years. But as you grow to know yourself better (and as an introvert, you will), you learn to appreciate those things for what they really are; friends and fun social environments. Awesome to have, but dangerous to let seep too deeply into your brain.
Living and dying exclusively through a group is for women
This is different than having a Rat Pack, which is actually important and is completely different from having a co-dependent squad.
As some of you know, halfway through my college career I fucked off to Europe for an entire year. Didn’t do a summer abroad or anything like that, literally just enrolled at a school in Germany and left everything behind. Literally none of my friends supported my decision, and it shone through. When I came back between semesters and visited my school, there was already a disconnect forming. After another semester gone and finally coming back to school in Fall 2014, it was like the world around me had changed.
Shit was fucked yo, but my introversion tendencies enabled me to carry on without too much hassle, because I knew myself.
Learning how to be by yourself is a critical part of growing up. Yes, you have your friends in college who you go everywhere with, and that’s cool, so do I. But part of being a man is learning how to be a functional member of society without another person constantly by your side. To parlay on that, learning how to be a leader means making your own decisions and taking action without the approval of others. Is it hard? Yes. Unconventional? Absolutely. Lonely? Tell that to the dozens of friends and contacts I’ve lost or cut loose over the years because of decisions I made putting myself first. Is it worth it? You bet your shy little kiester.
You hear that introverts? Put in some sack and effort, and you can lead in a way no extrovert could dream of.
The way I grew up, I can almost guarantee that I would have gone insane had I been an extrovert. I’ve been in and out of so many different drastically unique social settings during my short lifetime and have left so much behind. Spending time in my own head allowed me not only to maintain my sanity, but also to realize just how comfortable I was with myself in pretty much any environment, and exactly where my sources of validation flowed from. Now I’m at a point that if I really wanted to I could probably leave my life behind, fuck off to the Caribbean, open a surf shop and just chill on the beach for the rest of my life (A dream that’s been alive and well in my head for years) and probably be totally fine with it.
Point is, you’re not weird, you’re just wired that way. On the other side of the coin, don’t use it as an excuse to be a reclusive monk during your college years. Yeah, you may be yearning to stay in after a long week and just relax your chicken friend brain on a Friday night, but that doesn’t do shit to expand your network or get you a slice of poon. Suck it up, dress well, and go the fuck out and be social. Yes, it may physically hurt your brain to do so. Yes, you may need to sleep for 14 hours to recover. But the end results of actually being social far outweigh those of being a hermit.
You’ll survive. Trust me, I did.