Shit That Is Overrated By Our Generation

 

BREAKING NEWS:  The hive-minded group think of our generation has seemingly rendered low-20’s individuals completely incapable of forming their own opinion about anything.

 

Quite the tragedy.  Below, I have eloquently outlined the most most overrated shit in our youthful culture.

 

[Disclaimer: These are simply Soze’s Rants. Do not take offense]

 

  • Social Media Likes – a few weeks ago I was with a girl who put up a picture on Instagram, then said, “look, I love this part” as the “likes” piled up on her phone screen. She had the same look of excitement I had when I saw my first pair of tits. One word: insecure.
  • Family Guy – it’s really not that funny, and South Park is better in every way imaginable. Eat shit.
  • Photography – Aka “I don’t have any actual skills or passions so I took up photography”. Having an iPhone 6 with the VSCO app does not make you a photographer. I’m not saying photography can’t be extremely cool, but for the sake of artistry, have some originality.
  • Zombies – Really, what the hell is with this craze? I mean sure they made for some classic horror flicks, and first two seasons of the walking dead were decent, but this genre has been played dead into the ground. Everyone’s going on about, “OMG if there was a zombie apocalypse, I’d totally ______”. Why does that sound cool to anyone? If there were a zombie apocalypse, I’d probably have sex one last time (ayy) then find a cool way to off myself before a zombie inevitably chewed the skin off my face.
  • Swimming Pools – You know that someone peed in it. Hell, maybe that dude next to you just took a piss. Everyone could be taking collective piss! TRUST NO ONE. Really, public pools are pretty gross and I don’t like chlorine.
  • Twerking – Girl, is your ass having a seizure? It’s not even attractive. And it looks really stupid. By the way, I’m not talking about a girl grinding on my half-chub on the dance floor. I happen to quite enjoy that. I mean rap video, feet on the wall, straight-to-Vine type of twerking.
  • Brunch – I still don’t understand the concept of “brunch”. What the hell is it? Breakfast or lunch? If you order pancakes and eggs, it’s breakfast. If you order a chicken sandwich, it’s lunch. There is no grey area.
  • Tittyfucking – Cool idea, but really not all that practical.
  • TV Shows – Unless it’s a bonafide critically acclaimed can’t-miss masterpiece or I’m just spending some down time with a dime piece, I don’t watch shows. Waste of time. A more fulfilling use of time is watching a good film (although I think I’ve seen everything worth watching by now). And don’t get me started on the cesspool of garbage that is Orange is the New Black. Man, that show is bad.
  • Smoking Weed – My own mother doesn’t even condemn smoking weed anymore, so obviously it is no longer cool. I theorize that a combination of Tumblr, Miley Cyrus, and those stupid Huff socks made smoking weed lame.  Thanks, Obama.
  • Political Correctness – I can’t call my friends faggots out in public because I may be deemed homophobic. What’s up with that?
  • Rap Shows – Having been to over 100 concerts in my life, I have concluded that the majority of rappers are disappointing and downright boring live. They are full of annoying cliches – like the classic “I’m gonna rap one line then point the mic to the crowd for them to rap the other half” move. No dude, I came to watch YOU perform. Rappers (and most modern rap music for that matter) is so fucking corny. For a rap show to be worth it, the rapper needs to be insanely talented at getting a crowd hyped up (Danny Brown) or have awesome big-stage production value (Kanye).
  • Huge Boobs – What may seem like a dream come true may just kill your boner entirely once she unstraps her bra and those puppies fall to the floor. Well-shaped B/C’s over everythaaaang.
  • Pharrell – Don’t get me wrong, he produced some hit songs and he’s a very talented guy.  I mean come on, the guy makes music that sounds like it should be played in GAP commercials. Another case of ‘no one actually likes him as much as they claim to’.
  • Breakfast Food – First, all the good things (pancakes, French toast, etc) are sugary and unhealthy for you. Second, anything that is healthy tastes like bland shit unless you jazz it up like crazy. And the whole “omg I live 4 bacon” thing has gotten out of hand. (My morning wild-berry protein smoothie is dope tho)
  • Specialty Shots – This includes little beers, blow job shots, jello shots, and any other sort of fruitcake shot you can think of. Why are they overrated? Because they hardly have any booze in them and there’s a zero percent chance they’ll increase your buzz unless you’re 100 pounds (former bartender speaking).
  • Superhero Movies – who actually likes these? And why? Okay, I mean I get if you were a super huge comic book fanatic who obsessed over Marvel growing up, but I literally know like two of those people. Spoiler – there are some explosions and the superhero wins.
  • Tattoos – You had to see this one coming. Tattoos used to be cool and edgy. Tattoos used to be a sign of, “oh this guy has a full sleeve, I would not fuck with him”. Now, if a dude has a full sleeve, it’s more like – yeah, that guy has a Tumblr and loves drinking frappucinos while defending the plight of the oppressed white female. If you escape this era without a permanent, cliche saying or image embedded in your skin, then congrats because you’re a rare breed.
  • Beyonce – Yeah, it’s gone too far. She’s hot. Get over it. Again, this a product of young girls not knowing how to form their own opinion about anything and just agreeing with the crowd because it’s cool.
  • Girls Who Lift – Yes, every guy loves some booty and a flat stomach. But no dude wants to wrestle a girl in bed who looks like she’s training for the NFL combine. Know the difference. Plus, lifting increases testosterone, and testosterone gives you a manly face.
  • Beats Headphones – I get they’re pricy and all the pro athletes have them, but you know they suck, right?
  • Trying Too Hard to be Someone They’re Not – Tatted up suburban white girls. Rich kids trying to act ghetto. Boring people trying to be artsy. My mission statement is this – embrace who you are. I’m not saying you can’t change and cultivate different interests and styles, but doing something because it seems cool at the time is easy to spot, and ultimately pretty cringe-worthy.
  • Trying to Look Like a Kardashian – You know the look: way over-tanned, eyebrows drawn in, way too much make up, plumped up lips… They look like a failed wanna be porn star or something. Or maybe they’re auditioning to be an extra in the next Fetty Wap video. Just stop it. It’s a fucking epidemic (and not a fake one like that “ebola” nonsense). Be like your good friend Soze – have some sophistication in your taste in women and don’t give these girls a second look. If we can get everyone on board, they may eventually die out.
  • Fake Tans – This goes hand in hand with the previous entry. Now, as you should know, I am an outspoken fan of tan & ethnic girls. However, especially up here in the American Northern hemisphere, there is an excess of ridiculously overdone fake tans. Paler, well-maintained healthy skin is far more attractive on a girl than the aforementioned group who’re desperately trying to look like Kimmy K. Plus, their skin will look like my little league leather baseball glove when they hit 30. Embrace who you are and own it. (for the record, I do think tan lines are really sexy)
  • Fireworks – They can be cool momentarily, but I never really understood the hype.
  • Bass – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in the car with someone and they say some stupid shit like, “yooo, just got some new subs brah, check it out”, then they proceed to turn on a song that has the bass up to 10 with the treble on 0 – my entire body shakes and my ears bleed. You can’t hear one word or other sound in the fucking song. Die, idiot.
  • Celebrity Crushes – Yawn. They’re typically wildly overrated in the looks department. You know they have professionals to tweak every photo of them to make them look amazing, right? Unless we’re talking Adrianna Lima type exotic beauty, they are usually just chicks you’d see in your day-to-day life. Like Kate Upton – she’s hot, but go to any Big Ten or SEC school on College Game Day and you’ll see dozens of girls who look just like her. But then again, I think obsessing over any one person, especially if you’ve never met them, is a weak trait, so maybe it’s just me.
  • Nutella – Pretty sure no girl actually likes it as much as they claim to.
  • The Night Before Thanksgiving – The weakest of all “drinking holidays” and the definition of Amateur Hour. Hella cops out, bars too crowded, and a nil chance of pulling. No thanks.
  • Sweetest Day – I dislike Valentines Day, but I understand why girls get excited about it. I do. But if a girl I’m with ever expects me to do something more than give her the gift of my time (and dick) on the nonexistent holiday called “sweetest day”, I will end things then and there, because our personalities will inevitably clash in the future.
  • Award Shows – Put state it plainly, people who actually care about the outcomes of modern award shows (Grammys, AMA’s, VMA’s) simply are not intelligent people. They probably buy grocery store gossip tabloids.

  One thought on “Shit That Is Overrated By Our Generation

  1. January 25, 2016 at 2:20 pm

    I really can’t agree more with this entire article. I hate when girls dye their hair too- that should be on the list ;)

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