The Biggest Mistake I Made Going in to College (And How to Avoid it)

“Oh my god, you are literally the most conceited douchebag I have ever met”

Apparently this girl wanted me out of her room now; so much for a sleepover.  Apparently when a girl asks in a purring voice, “Was I good to you baby?” the correct response is NOT to say, “I guess.  You could arch your back more though.  Also, you should hit the squat rack.”

 

I used to be quite the character when I was younger.  In some ways this was good.  In others it was bad.  Overall though, it’s tough to say I was anything other than a genuinely bad person.

 

Freshman year of college I would easily have made the ticket for worst person alive.  Seriously, I was terrible.  I had absolutely no regard for anyone except myself and maybe a few close friends.  Other people were tools for me to use for personal gain.  It was actually so bad that a female friend tried to give me a psycho-assessment for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  I never did find out if I was diagnosed, but I’m honestly okay with never knowing.

 

My senior year of high school was a massive inflation point for my ego.  Aside from being my school’s star power forward on the basketball team, I was pulling weird amounts of top shelf ass for reasons I never really understood.  Girls were just throwing themselves at me, which in turn sparked the jealousy (especially after I broke up with my then girlfriend) and resulted in even more girls throwing themselves at me.  It was like a kind of vicious circle, an awesome, awesome vicious circle.

 

Also, I spent a LOT of time when I was 16-17 reading Tucker Max’s books, bros like this site, the average american male, etc.  For some reason that I can’t really explain to this day, the work of Tucker Max inspired me.  I would eagerly read and re-read every page of every book, having silent fits of hysterics over stories about

 

But therein lies the problem.  With the amount of unprecedented attention I would receive from girls, and the certain brand of literature I was filling my head with on a day to day basis, I got lazier and lazier in terms of personal character development.  Meaning, I ended up not viewing girls as human beings anymore and rather just rancid sex objects that served little purpose outside helping me blow a load.  Thus, I ended up really just wanting nothing more than quick flings, and wanted nothing more to do with a girl once I was done with her in whatever way I saw fit.  I ended up becoming a dangerously cocky, largely sociopathic, and hyper aggressive fuck boy.  Yes, there’s no two ways around it; I was a total fuck boy.

 

I was a fuck boy 

 

Being a fuck boy is cool.  No, really, it really helps you pull mass amounts of ass in high school.  Even freshman year, you might snag some bangs on girl who are mentally stuck at their sweet 16 party.

 

But that evolves real fast.  Once you progress slowly from the shit-stew that is underclassman life and into the realm of upperclassman Junior and Senior year, where you need to actually be somewhat functional to survive, shit changes extremely fast, and being a total fuck boy will result in two things.  1.  You will repel several people who are genuinely good, constructive, and would have a positive influence on your life, and 2.  You will continue to attract other people just like yourself, as well as girls who like guys like that.  The only people who like fuck boys, are other fuck boys.

How did I UN-learn my fuck boy habits?

 

The right answer is; I haven’t completely.  I still have a massive ego that I need to actively keep in check, and still find myself getting crafty with my mouth when I shouldn’t be.  However, there are some steps I took to rid myself of a great majority of the negative bullshit that was making me lead an extremely short-sighted lifestyle.

 

  1. I started taking my work seriously – Whether it was homework, a job, or personal projects; I began actually setting goals and deriving meaning and purpose from everything I was doing.  What resulted was a massive increase in my productivity and overall quality of life, since I ended every day feeling like I was accomplishing good for the world, rather than passively knowing I was fucking people over on a day to day basis.
  2. I learned empathy for others – I realized other people aren’t walking, talking vessels for me to use exclusively for personal gain, and that others have feelings, hopes, dreams, and even [sometimes] interesting personalities.  The fact that I learned that in and of itself helped a lot.
  3. I quit smoking weed – Before you crucify me, I don’t give two flying shits if you smoke weed.  I think it should be legal, and if you want to sit around all day and rip bongs in your underwear, you go and do it buddy.  That said, when I cut all “chill” drugs out of my life (that includes all anti-anxiety pharmaceuticals) my mental clarity, interest in life, as well as overall self-esteem skyrocketed.  To this day I credit swearing off pot as one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, which is ironic since I’m probably gonna die of an alcohol related illness.
  4. I realized I’m gonna die someday – Yeah, that day probably won’t come for a solid 80 years, but it’s a real step up from back in the day where I genuinely thought I was immortal.  What’s the opposite of being suicidal?  Because that’s what I was.  I wanted to and truly thought I would live forever.  Several near death experiences and close personal losses slowly but surely brought me back to earth.

 

Being a total fuck boy is fun when you’re like 17-18 and have literally zero responsibilities outside joke class work and boozing six nights a week.  It’s actually a LOT of fun.  Trust me, I’ve been down to the deepest depths of horrible person and fock-boyery.  But there comes a time, when you need to sit down and take a good hard look at yourself, and think whether that’s how you want to continue to behave throughout the rest of your life.

 

Unless you’re getting hooked up with a job on Wall St. or something.  Then disregard this entire article because those skills are gonna come in extremely handy.

  One thought on “The Biggest Mistake I Made Going in to College (And How to Avoid it)

  1. Fisherman
    December 21, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    this is what I’m going through right now, at 26. I sat in the denial phase for way too long, wondering why I couldn’t meet anyone I considered a quality friend. it took a few significant ego checks from people close to me to start working on change.

    However, empathy is still something I struggle with. Can you explain how you went about developing it?

    • December 22, 2015 at 11:11 pm

      I re-framed my way of thinking, which was crazy difficult because once you cement a certain mindset into your head for a while it’s insanely hard to change. It challenges your ego and everything. But I basically forced myself to put myself in others’ shoes. Obviously I have no problem verbally or physically beating down some douche mover who tries to step at me, but the amount of unfair shit I was giving to people who didn’t deserve it was too high. I learned to save my shit for the people who deserved it, and channel my constructive energy towards helping those in need, or can’t help themselves.

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