The College Player’s Complete Guide to Visiting Other Colleges

One of my favorite things to do a few times during the semester is to travel to visit friends at their respective universities for a weekend of drunken stupidity.  After all the inevitable shit talking about who goes to the better college and which school has the hotter coeds, you can finally settle the score by heading down and seeing what it’s all about.  Today, I’m going to break down the ins and outs of the weekend college trip; I’ll share advice, stories, and general guidance to ensure you have a kickass time and make it home alive.

 

First and foremost, it is absolutely imperative to get into the proper mindset of the trip.  Remember – you are going to visit a great friend, catch up, get wasted, and most importantly, dabble in a foreign campus’s display of undergraduate female talent. Think of it as a little vacation and leave any sort of negativity, stress, or academic worries in your hometown and prepare yourself to have a great fucking time.

 

When gearing up to go, there are a few things that are important to bring.  Of course, talk to your homie to see where you’re going to go and get a layout of the weekend.  Besides the obvious like your toothbrush and spare boxers, here’s my personal checklist:

 

  • Versatility in clothing – Prepare for bad weather, nice venues, tailgate gear, or whatever.  You don’t want to be stuck in the cold without a jacket and you don’t want to be at a classy joint wearing a t-shirt.
  • Hydration – You’re inevitably gonna get pretty trashed, right?  Instead of paying $3 for a Gatorade at a gas station while your mouth feels like the Sahara in the morning, buy a pack from your grocery store to save money, and stash some in your bag.  You’ll thank yourself each morning.
  • Snacks – It’s easy to start breaking the budget if you need to eat out every meal for 2-3 days (~6-8 meals $5-20 a piece adds up).  Bring some protein bars.
  • Vitamin C – Seriously, it’s really easy to get sick when you’re running around drinking in shitty weather with poor sleeping conditions.  Give your immune system a boost.
  • Music – Make a solid playlists to put yourself into a partying mood. Nothing worse than a long road trip with no good tunes.
  • A blanket/pillow – If your friend says he can provide this for you, great, but you’ll be pretty pissed off if you end up sleeping with your backpack as a pillow, shivering all night, using a t-shirt as a makeshift blanket.  Get this figured out.
  • Booze – Last but not least, never visit a friend without bringing a healthy supply of alcohol.  A bottle of liquor or a 30 rack of your favorite cheap beer should do.  If you show up with a 12 pack (or God forbid a 6 pack of porters), don’t be surprised if your friend asks you to turn around and head home upon arrival.

 

Alright, now that you’ve got your bags packed and it’s time to go, let’s take a brief moment to talk about the drive down.  First, don’t get a fucking speeding ticket because you were overwhelmed with excitement (I had $260 setback this year).  Second, if you’re heading down with a crew and someone else is driving, be a standup dude and throw them a few bucks for gas, or at least offer to buy them their first drink for being the person to get stuck with driving.  If you do happen to be the passenger in a car full of your surely moronic friends – start taking straight pulls from a bottle of liquor 30 minutes to one hour from arrival.  No questions, just fucking do it.

 

Now when you get there, you give your bro a big old bro hug and say some iteration of, “how ya been you douche bag? Great to see ya”.  You will then proceed to shove a beer in his face, crack it open, cheers that shit, and slug it down.  No better way to start a weekend.

 

After the introductions and catching up briefly, you’ll need to get the ball rolling for the afternoon/evening.  Soon, you will be introduced to his friends.  This is very, very important.  Of course, you need to make a great first impression – extend a firm handshake, smile when you introduce yourself, and of course, offer them a beer.  Life skills 101.  Here’s a tip for quickly getting comfortable with people and getting them to like you – ask them questions and act like you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say.  I don’t mean be fake and try to be best buddies five minutes after meeting them, but learn to be a sociable guy.  You like your friend.  Your friend likes these guys.  Put two and two together, and there’s a pretty good chance you have a lot in common.  Become their friend.  They’ll help you out for the night, introduce you to people, and make the weekend even more fun.

 

This extends to everyone you meet – it is their home turf, you play by their rules.  This means you do not talk about your home university unless asked, you do not act conceited or stuck up, and you do not under any circumstances argue.  Even if you feel your personalities clash a bit, go with the flow and be as friendly as possible.  Having an air of positivity and fun-loving energy will go a long way when meeting new people.

 

For example, as you know, I am not in a fraternity at my university, but I have close ties with one and I know how things work.  A few weeks ago, I traveled with a few guys and a few girls to stay with our friend who is in a top sorority at her respective school.  At this school, Greek life dominates.  As such, I dressed like her fraternity friends, I spoke their language, and I immediately made friends with them.  Another guy we were with holds some asinine belief that fraternities are for douche bags.  Little, did he know, he was actually the douche bag.  Crazy shit, right?  Quite the plot twist.  As you can imagine, it was a tale of two weekends for us – I was constantly offered free drinks and party favors between being introduced to their smoke show friends.  He spent his weekend twiddling his thumbs looking like an awkward outsider.  It’s important to note that he gets no play, ever.

 

This applies to every type of personality and every situation you might encounter – just go with the flow and make friends.  You will have a much better time if you do so.  Plus, having the ability to click with people from all walks of life will serve you endlessly in life.

 

Let’s take this topic a bit further to when you’re at a pregame or a party.  You’re in a room with a lot of unfamiliar people.  At first, or to a novice, this might be an uncomfortable situation.  What you do NOT do is follow your friend around like a puppy dog.  He’ll introduce you to a couple people and after that, it is up to you to have fun.  Get drunk and be social.  You can’t rely on your friend to attend to your every whim and check on you every two seconds to make sure you feel comfortable.  This is no time to clam up and be an introvert.  Plus, you should have already made some new friends at this point.  And of course, it’s about time to start working on the ladies.

 

Ah yes, girls from other schools – the most attractive girls of all.  Why are they the most attractive girls?  Because you never have to see them again.  There are no expectations, no awkward future encounters, and you’re on the same wavelength in your hopes to score a sloppy drunk one night stand with zero social repercussions.  Pro tip: if you hear through the grapevine that Jenny from Delta sorority just broke up with her boyfriend, she becomes your main target for the night, as you and your dick are the perfect vehicle for her to channel her emotional instability into a consequence-free inebriated sexual encounter.

 

Now, it is important to remember that when you’re around your friend’s friends, you can’t yet go full-retard.  That means don’t say anything too stupid, don’t get drunk and spill shit, and don’t embarrass him in any way.  While you may never see that chick again that you asked for a blow job within 30 seconds of meeting her, your friend will.  The next day he’ll have to explain your stupidity and say, “oh, he’s not usually such an asshole, he was just really drunk”.  Instead, with girls who are connected to his social circle, just be the charismatic young player you are and good things should happen.

 

Always play the angle that you are only in for the weekend and you “wanna see what ______ University is all about!”  If you subtly challenge others to prove their university’s partying merits under the pretense that you just want to get a good impression for their nightlife, they’ll go above and beyond to make sure you have a blast.  I promise.  (Played this card while visiting a friend in October – and I got what I asked for… don’t remember shit but there is a photo of me on Instagram absolutely annihilated with a cross-eyed look on my face at some afterparty at 5 am).

 

When you’re at these pregames, as you’d naturally do when you’re pregaming, try to lock down a chick for the night and have her accompany you to the bar.  If it doesn’t happen or if you just pregame with dudes before heading to the bars, mentally prepare yourself (read: get wasted) to be in full-on reckless player mode.  It is important to know that you will have a higher chance of pulling if you go to venues with good old sweaty dance floors where you can rub your junk on some unassuming undergrad babe wearing a dress slutty enough to give her father chest pain.

 

So remember, when you are at a congested, super crowded bar with a dance floor in a city where you know virtually no one, you have zero fucks to give.  You will never be in the presence of any of these people again.  Hit on every chick you see and stealthily work the room.  Get your ass on the dance floor and make a total fool out of yourself if you feel like it.  Like any dance floor, these are prime pulling grounds for chicks who want some action.  With the blaring music, there are no words spoken, so you have an even playing field with any dude who might have home court advantage.  Work your magic homeboy.  Oh, and if you’re afraid of dancing, no better place to hone your skillz than a foreign city, am I right?  So get drunk and act a motherfucking fool.  Anonymity can be pretty dope sometimes.

 

Rare exclusive footage of Soze on the dance floor

 

What if instead of a dancing venue, your the plans for the night revolve around bars or parties without dance floors?  Conversation is required and this is where shit gets fun and you can start truly fucking around.  If you choose to do so, make up a ridiculous background story.  Yeah, especially if you’re school isn’t super reputable in the area, say you’re from some prestigious school.  For example, “I’m a finance major at NYU, just flew in for a weekend to stay with my buddy” or “I’m on the baseball team at (insert D1 college)”.  But remember, the more ridiculous your bullshit gets, the more likely you are to be called out on it.  Make sure your homie corroborates your story or things can get real awkward.  Trust me.

 

Here’s another little story from visiting a friend last fall.  My buddy and I from home got separated from our host friend who actually attended the school we were visiting.  So, we decided to have some fun with it.  While I kept my story in the relatively believable realm, he took shit to the extreme – “I’m the number two tennis singles player in the country from Stanford, daddy flew me out on his private jet so I could stay with my cousin for the weekend.  This place is decent”.  As ludicrous as that statement was, some chick with a seemingly double-digit IQ bought it, and he brought her back to the house.  He ended up puking in her hair mid blow-job and kicking her out, but that is neither here nor there.

 

Point of the story is, if you’ve got the demeanor and confidence to pull it off, then absolutely run wild, get into character, and start causing trouble.  And above all else, have fun with it and laugh your ass off whatever happens.

 

However, when it comes to pulling chicks from other universities, the single easiest and most foolproof way to ensure you get some strange at your friend’s university is to have him (or her) hook you up.  If they talk you up like you’re some silver-tongued, gold-endowed player deity who is blessing their campus for a weekend, you will not leave that campus with your balls full unless you fuck it up.  As long as they lay some solid groundwork for you, you should be in pretty good shape.

 

Game these girls the same way you’d game a girl at home, but add a slight twist – you need to give her a fantasy.  By this, I mean that you need to make a bubble between the two of you and act like you two are deep down soulmates who’d totally date if you went to the same school.  Probably total bullshit, but let her think what she wants.  After you establish yourself as a tragic lover, she’s yours for the taking.  It’s all using your circumstances as a visitor to convince her that she should bang you.

 

If you’re in the process of pulling and she has reservations, such as, “but you don’t go here, I’ll never see you again”, you need to know how to diffuse her resistance.  Personally, I’ve found that stating, “I come down here occasionally, I’ll be back”, is a great way to make her feel like less of a slut, if that does happen to be a concern of hers.  Usually this small, and typically insincere gesture, is enough for her to feel okay with hooking up with you.

 

If in fact it all does go well and you’ve scored yourself a lucky lady for the night, don’t invite her back to your friends place unless you’re having an afterparty.  You don’t want to bang her and struggle for space while trying to get a couple hours of sleep on the living room couch.  You want to slide back into her well-decorated cozy room, bang her out on a cloud-like bed, and sleep like a baby.  If you need further convincing, check out Hans Dix’s timeless article, The Art of Shacking.

 

When you wake up on day two, slug some water, drink one of those Gatorades you’ve stashed away in your bag, and get some breakfast with your friend and laugh about the ignorance of the previous night.  Hopefully, you have a nice story to tell….

 

 

After breakfast, assuming it’s a Saturday, start drinking and do it all over again.  After one night in a city/campus, it’s much easier to feel comfortable and in your element again.  Carry to momentum from the previous night into the rest of the weekend.

 

Whatever you do, do not be that guy that visits a friend and gets into a fight.  I repeat, do not get into a fucking fight.  If you do, don’t be surprised if your friend never invites you back.  You don’t want to be that guy with a penchant for causing trouble during an otherwise good evening.  And to take it further, always be a good guest – don’t start trouble, don’t trash the house, clean up after yourself, and have some sense.

 

Don’t get too drunk and wander off and do anything stupid (do not get arrested).  When you arrive, make sure you get your friend’s address and WRITE IT IN YOUR NOTES.  Or pin it on your maps.  This shit is important.  If you are at a crowded bar, dancing, hitting on chicks, whatever – there is a chance you get separated.  You need to be able to get back to his house.

 

One time… I believe I was a sophomore, and I was visiting some friends at their university.  As I often did in my younger years, I blacked the fuck out.  Couldn’t tell you what happened.  The last thing I remember is coming back into consciousness at 2 or 3 in the morning, lost, disoriented, and confused.  I was walking up and down the streets of this huge university without a fucking clue where I was going.  It was actually pretty scary at the time.  I think after drunkenly stumbling around the streets of this campus for a while, I eventually recognized a familiar apartment complex and walked up.  However, there were apartments labeled A through some high letter in the alphabet.  Each apartment looked EXACTLY the same.  I was too drunk to have any idea as to which one it was.  No one was picking up their phones.  I gave up, laid my inebriated head down on the concrete, and fell asleep outside in sub 50° temps.  I woke up probably an hour or two later freezing, shaking, and short of breath.  I walked to a 24-7 McDonald’s, bought a McGriddle, smashed it, and laid my head down on a table in the corner until the sun rose.  That night was absolutely fucking miserable and I’ve never made that same mistake again.

 

One last thing, and this may sound like heresy, but don’t obsess over getting laid when you’re visiting a friend.  Get shitfaced, catch up with your boy, spit game to chicks, and above all else, have some care-free fun.

 

To learn the ins and outs of dominating your campus from the beginning to the end, making the absolutely most out of your college experience, do yourself a favor and cop The Campus Hustler and The Campus Hustler Pt. II.

 

BONUS SECTION – I like you guys so much that I will drop some extra content and break down how to be a great friend as a host when a friend is visiting your university.

  1.  Have some booze ready for the weekend for when your friend arrives.  The more the merrier.
  2. Make some sort of tentative plan.  Figure out where the pregame are, where the party is, or what bars you’re going to hit.  Doesn’t need to be completely mapped out, but don’t have your dick in your hand when you’re friend shows up to have a good time
  3. Introduce him to friends.  Don’t walk up to groups of people, start talking, and completely ignore your friend.  Say, “hey guys, this is my friend Soze from Big Tits University”.  And so on and so forth.
  4. Lay groundwork with the ladies.  As I previously stated, a good host will get you a head start with the ladies.  Talk your friend up and introduce him.  It is not your responsibility to get him laid, but make an effort to open up possibilities and set things in motion.
  5. Don’t ditch him.  This should go without saying, but if your friend drives to visit you, don’t be a dickhead and ditch him at any point.
  6. Help with sleeping arrangements – Yeah, don’t leave your homie hanging using the ol’ shirt as a blanket method.  That’s fucking miserable.  Give him one of your pillows, give him your comforter, and just be overall hospitable.

 

 

 

  One thought on “The College Player’s Complete Guide to Visiting Other Colleges

  1. sj
    November 29, 2015 at 3:25 am

    How can you drink n party if you have type 1 diabtes.. like i am still a player either way but i have to manage blood sugar levels.. any tips on that

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