9 Ways to be a Devious Motherfucker

Today’s post was written while I was hammered, pre-pregaming in my room before going out the actual pregame, and in about 30 minutes.  While it has little to do with the actual college theme, it applies to campus life very well.

 

I edited it for spelling and that’s it.  Enjoy

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“People who believe ‘the truth always comes out’ have never met devious motherfuckers.  I know plenty of truth that will never see the light of day” – Michael Mason, The G Manifesto

 

Live for yourself – This should really go without saying.  You cannot in good conscience think you’re living truly for yourself if you’re writing your schedule around that of others.  Do you think a boss at a fortune 500 company is fine with people just waltzing into his office whenever they want and asking him favors?  Do you think he wipes a big client meeting off his schedule because some chick wants to meet him for drinks that night?  Hell to the motherfucking no.

You cannot and will not be truly respected unless you put yourself and your priorities first.  Exceptions can of course be made for family, or for a few very close friends with whom you go way back.  Otherwise, tough shit.  Tell Sally McBubblebutt you can grab drinks next Tuesday, you’re busy tonight.  For all she knows “client dinner” means a threesome with her best friend and an Italian model.  And if you’re really evil, it actually does.

 

Do interesting shit – A problem I’ve noticed among a LOT of dudes nowadays is how fucking forgettable they are.  They talk your ear off in the same cookie cutter conversation about their useless mickey mouse degree, their “highly competetive” internship, and that one time they did a keg stand for like, 20 seconds bro.

I get that people have the right to live however they want; this is America after all, and I respect the shit out of people being able to do whatever the fuck they want.  However, if I was living the life of some of this new crop of younger guys I’m meeting nowadays I would probably be driven to give a revolver a blowjob until it busted a bullet nut through my skull.

People these days love talking about how “your dreams will die eventually, trust me” and how you should just settle down after college and grab that stable $40k/yr job while meeting up with 6s from online dating sites. “What?  Talk to girls at bars?  Start my own business?  Nah, I’d rather binge Netflix and smoke some weed”

Yeah fuck that.  Hustle hard, go to Vegas, hit the pool, make some connections, get on stage with Tiesto, spray champagne all over girls in the VIP.  Bang a Spanish model girl in her Madrid penthouse.  Then drive her Aston Martin to get McDonald’s breakfast.  Live in the moment, leave the average life behind.

 

Learn the art of emotional manipulation – This is probably one of the most important things you can learn in life.  If you master the ability to get inside people’s heads and push their buttons at will, you will have all the money and women your heart may desire.

Note that I say emotional manipulation.  Not logic.  People don’t really give a shit about logic and reason, especially in today’s world.  That shit’s for the classroom and workplace. You’re not gonna bring a girl home from the club by explaining to her why logically it would be in her best interest.  Nowadays, logic and emotion are becoming more and more mutually exclusive.

If you wanna sell, whether you’re selling yourself or a product for money, you need to appeal to emotions.  People don’t wanna know everything about you/the product and work out logically why they should have it.  They need to feel like they can’t go on another second of their lives without having it.  In business, this applies to the sale of a product.  With girls, if applies to them not being able to feel right without your cock bruising their tonsils on the reg.

 

Work hard – I don’t know what happened to guys these days.  Every time I turn on the TV all I see is short, hairy, glasses sporting dudes who look like they’ve never even seen the inside of a weight room.  When did the average male figure go from man’s men like Harrison Ford and Steve McQueen to “guys in touch with their feminine side” that look like bearded pears.

No fucking wonder everyone is “depressed” and “anxious” nowadays.  Depression is a largely inflated condition made up by this new generation of giant pussies.  All anyone does anymore is bitch.  Does bitching get you anywhere?  Does it make you money?  Nope.

Life is not that fucking complicated.  Work hard, make money, fuck bad bitch(es), lift, chew tobacco.  Bonus points if you do manual labor.  I worked construction over the summer and I left the site every day feeling like a bad motherfucker.  It’s hard wired into the male brain to work hard, and if you don’t do it, you’re gonna feel like shit.  Figure it out.

 

Don’t fear death – Kinda fucked up right?  The fear of dying is mechanically hard wired into every person’s brain, making the facing of situations where death is a possibility an extremely hard thing to do.  It’s a natural survival instinct to want to cower in fear or run away when your life (or something important to you) is threatened.

Wanna know how to really mess people up?  Show indifference in the face of mortal danger.

Don’t get me wrong; death sucks and I don’t plan on dying for another 100 years or so.  What I’m saying is, when you’re in a situation where you are confronted with potential lethal danger, there is absolutely no point in showing it on the outside.  On the inside you may be screaming and silently begging for your life, but on the outside there’s nothing more to do that stare down the barrel of that gun, smile, and figure out how best to approach the situation.

I’ve been close to death several times.  My best friend is dead.  Even though those experiences can fuck you up in the short term, in the long term it puts everything in perspective.  If it weren’t for my past, I wouldn’t love life as much as I do now.

 

Have the power to destroy anyone – Look, I’m not saying you should blackmail people.  I’m just saying that if someone disrespects you in a manner that affects you in a way that impacts your day to day life, the power to completely bring them down isn’t a bad card to have in your back pocket.

Personally, I’ve never had to do it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t keep the necessary resources on the back burner.  If you think someone might be a threat to you or your reputation, make damn sure you have the stable resources to bring them down completely should they try anything.

 

Say less, do more This is something my dad has metaphorically hammered into my brain since I was a little kid.  Words don’t mean anything.  Nothing.  They’re just sounds we make with our mouths.

What do you think will make more of an impression on a girl. Constantly hyping up a date all week, then when you get to the club you wait in line, pay cover, and wait forever for a drink…..or, you make the plan, shut the fuck up, then when game time comes you skip the line, walk right in, and the bartender hooks you two up with drinks (pro bono of course) right when you approach the bar.

What do you think makes a bigger impression on an employer.  The guy who constantly talks big game about how many numbers he puts up, yet can barely sell shit….or the guy who doesn’t brag for shit, and just spends all day selling like a maniac and making mad money for himself and the company.

Acta Non Verba – Actions, not words

 

Respect your friends, but don’t rely on them –  The only person in this world who you can rely on completely is yourself.  Always have a backup plan in any and all situations that involves only you.  People flake, plans get fucked up, there’s always some shit you’re gonna have to deal with.

That said, there’s little in this world that’s more valuable than a good friend and/or a strong network.  To those who have proved themselves to be loyal and valuable, show respect and camaraderie.  Back them up in their times of need, and the favors will most likely be reciprocated.

 

Fuck like a gorilla – Self explanatory.  If you don’t end every pound sesh completely drenched in sweat and foaming at the mouth then you’re doing something wrong.

There’s plenty of sex experts and shit all over the internet so I’m not gonna waste my time with details.  Just do what you need to do.  Pick her up and smash it standing up.  Ram her head through the drywall, I don’t give a fuck.  Just fuck her shit up fam.  Whatever you need to do to make sure the next guy to stick his shriveled little wang in her has her silently resenting him more and more with each stroke.

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