(Hans here. Today’s post is the first from my new partner Jordan Soze. Enjoy)
Hundreds of thousands of kids enter college every year to
party and have sex attain a higher education in hopes of getting a good job after graduation. Somewhere along the way all kids must choose a path and sort themselves into an academic major of choice.
Through years of relationships, dates, flings, drinks, one night stands, and everything in between, I’ve come to recognize definite patterns in the quality (obvious) and the nature of girls by their collegiate major.
Below is a breakdown of what each prominent college major has to offer in terms of women.
Here’s a fact – there’s no shortage of prime college ass in the nursing department. In fact, I’d argue that nursing may have the highest ratio of hot girls to guys (or ugly girls) among any college major. They’re cute, they’re driven and they like to party. However, there’s one catch – they’re annoying as fuck, egotistical, and entitled.
“Hey Jenny, want to go to the bar tonight?”
“No, I’m a nurse. You know that. I have thirteen thousand notecards to memorize, two text books to read, and a 150 page essay to type. Ugh, pharmacology! Hashtag nursing probz”.
Aerospace engineers don’t even bitch as much as nurses. It’s intolerable.
Verdict: Nurses are hot, typically not super-moralled, and they can be a good time between whining about their 36 hour clinical shifts. Perfect for a fling, but don’t date ’em.
Finding an attractive female engineer is like finding a 20 year-old girl who doesn’t have a social media account – a small few exist, but you’re very confused when you actually encounter one. They’re like unicorns. Or virgins. At first you may think, as I did once upon a time, that a sexy girl who is also very intelligent seems like a hell of a catch. Try again. Each one I’ve encountered is weird. Something is always “off” with them. Furthermore, they seem a bit more traditional, so they don’t put out quickly.
Verdict: If you do happen to find a hot girl in engineering, you will have to spend a decent amount of time getting to know her before the fun stuff happens. After that, be prepared to deal with a Stage 5 clinger. Your efforts are better spent elsewhere.
Girls who aspire to be elementary school teachers are the cream of the crop as far as college girls go. They’re pretty, they’re fun, and best of all – they’re not crazy and are generally down-to-earth. Invite them to the party. Invite them to get coffee. Invite them for a drink. Take them home from the bar. Have a one night stand. Have a fling. Date ’em!
Verdict: Your good friend Soze is a BIG fan of girls in the education department because of their quantity of quality young females. Highly recommended for any and all romantic endeavors.
Psych majors all seem to be cut from the same cloth – they didn’t know what the hell else to do with their lives, so they thought it was a good move to take out massive loans to learn about the brain. Their major is easy compared to others, but they insist on pretentiously acting super intellectual.
Now, it’s not all bad – some psych girls can be really hot. And even better, some can actually be interesting.
Verdict: Girls in the psychology department are very interested in exploring themselves and experimenting – use this to your advantage & take ’em home. They can make for a fun mini-relationship, but don’t get too tied up with one.
Nothing grosses me out more than an “empowered” woman with short hair and shoulder padded suits. Now, that’s a bit extreme, but girls in business are often ambitious and conniving. The business department is mid-tier on the scale of engineering to nursing as far as female talent goes. However, they do naturally have better personalities and seem to be more fun than many other majors and a much more well-adjusted nature. They’re down for a good time and can be fun to be around. The only downside is that they are not to be trusted.
Verdict: Don’t assume that a business girl will be loyal or truthful with you. On the flip side, I’ve found that business girls can be very pretty and a lot of fun to be around – just keep your expectations in check.
“Well, I’m really good at arguing, so my mom told me I’d be a great lawyer!” says the young feminist wanna-be with overly dramatic vocal inflections. Her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard and she doesn’t go ten minutes without mentioning how she isn’t going to need a man to be financially stable in her future.
Verdict: For the love of god, man – stay the fuck away.
Pre-Med (Biology, Chemistry, etc.)
Most biology majors are hopeful premeds, meaning they’re bookish and they love to brag about that one time they volunteered in Nicaragua for a week. Their intense course load means they don’t go out a whole lot, but when they do – they don’t stop drinking until they embarrassingly fall over on the dance floor. Also, many Indian girls, Asian, Arabic, and religious girls are premeds, so if you love ethnic girls, look no further.
They fall towards the lower end of the scale in terms of hotness, but there are plenty of gems to be found. And there isn’t much competition from other science guys. Futhermore, these girls are often morally sound family-type girls who are passionate about helping people.
Verdict: Premeds are definitely not a go-to for a one night stand. However, if you are looking for a girlfriend in college, this is where your search should be focused. These girls are wifey types – cute, feminine, and trustworthy.
Sociology (social sciences)
So you meet this cute girl on campus and she seems like a sweetheart. Until you actually hang out and get a drink. She interrupts you mid-sentence to tweet #StopKONY2012 and checks her Tumblr every five minutes to read about the oppression of the young white female. Well you put up with her bullshit for the night and eventually you make your way back to her place. Because she’s liberated and all. You see a Lena Dunham book on the nightstand. Then you finally get her clothes off and think back to her date-rape tirade at the bar. Instead of banging her you put on your pants and head back home because she isn’t worth a remorseful rape charge.
Verdict: While there may be some cuties, sociology majors will shove their annoying social prerogative down your throat. And if you did have a one night stand, you’ll spend the next few days in agony wondering if her friends will convince her that she had one too many drinks to consent. Been there. Not worth it.
Art (Design, Graphics, Fashion, etc)
There are many attractive girls in the art department. If you do well with artsy and hipster types and can debate Kid A against OK Computer, you’ll do well with his crowd. She definitely has a nose piercing and probably a cheesy tattoo as well. Being women of art, they may have a degree of pretentiousness about them and they’ll be sure to show you their latest Pinterest-inspired craft. They’re unreliable and don’t like stability, but they’re almost always pretty kinky and passionate about the performance arts, if you catch my drift.
Verdict: Strong candidates for hooking up and flings because they’re not likely to put up much resistance to sex.
English & Literature
English majors are well-read & well-spoken – the type of girls you bring home to mom. They’re also a rare breed in the sense that you can have hours of intellectual conversation with them. They’re very socially aware, but not in the insane sociology feminist way. The only problem is that there aren’t a whole lot of hotties in the English department – it’s a land of fives and sixes.
Verdict: If you can find a sexy English major, you’ve found yourself a perfect candidate for a mini-relationship or even more.
There you have it – an outline of collegiate girls by their major from a guy who’s experienced them all. I’ve concurred with many friends about these patterns as well.
The education and nursing departments have the hottest girls. If you’re looking for a girlfriend, find a cutie in science or English. Lastly, you should avoid engineering and sociology girls.