How to Throw a Classic Fraternity Banger: Part I

Intro

It’s about that time. You moved into your fraternity house, got all settled in, and are ready to effectively tear the spiritual and structural integrity of the place down to the ground. What better way to do this with nothing but an original, old-fashioned fraternity exchange

 

Ever since you’ve seen them in the movies, thousands upon thousands of us longed to be a part of something this beautiful. A house full of your best friends, a large group of hot girls with a predisposition to fuck you because you have Greek letters on your chest, blaring music, and a metric fuck ton of alcohol. There is nothing in this world that quite compares to this beautiful scenario.

 

Setting

Obviously the most important part of having a fraternity party is – you guessed it – a fraternity house.

 

I’ve written it before, girls love fraternity houses. Their friends and various social influences have conditioned them to think that partying at these houses is literally the shit and the epitome of college social engagement. Greek letters and a row of pillars attract the girls like moths to the porch light, and they always will. It doesn’t matter how much the modern media tries to paint fraternity houses as “rape dungeons” or the whole Animal House stereotype. Girls have, are, and always will get giny tingles on their way to the house.

 

Now for all you colonies out there who think your 1940s built extra large shack that looks like the house from “The Amityville Horror” qualifies as a fraternity house just because you slapped a couple wooden letters on the front, think again. Girls don’t wanna party in something that looks like it used to house barnyard animals. If you want to maintain a halfway decent reputation as both a fraternity and a good party house, either work toward building your house up to a higher standard or just rush a whole different house period.

 

Setup

Unless you want hordes of random dudes coming in to drink your booze and try to feebly hit on your girls, it’s best to keep the party “exclusive”. By exclusive, I mean having an “exchange” i.e. limiting your guests to one who sorority house. If you’re at a school with a respectable size in its Greek system, this will already yield a 100-150-person party, which is very decent. If you’re at a smaller school, consider teaming up with another fraternity you’re cool with and having a joint exchange with multiple sororities.

 

There are times and places for open parties, but having them every single weekend is a bad idea.

 

 

Area

Now you need to decide where to centralize the party in the house. You don’t want people running around through the main hall, upstairs, basement, dining areas etc. It makes everything disorganized as shit.

 

This centralization procedure is usually done in the form of a bar. Wherever the bar is is generally where everyone is going to congregate, dance, drink, and bring shame to their parents.

 

In many houses, including mine, this was best done in the basement. Most houses will have a sizeable basement with either concrete or linoleum floors, which makes cleanup almost entirely optional given you probably won’t want to spend much time down there when you’re sober anyway. If it starts to stink up the whole house, then consider it.

 

Usually parties like this are contained to the designated area for no more than 1-2 hours. Inevitably people will begin making their way upstairs to form little “mini”’ parties with smaller groups in respective bedrooms, which are often much better places to spit decent game and have a less disturbed drink surrounded by less people. This eventually gives way to people retiring to their rooms to engage is whatever coital act they have mutually consented to performing *coughPUTOUTORGETOUTcough*.

 

Music

This is another area where you need to just buckle the fuck down and do what makes sense for the sake of the party, rather than personal preference.

 

There will be some guys in the house who just fucking LOVE EDM. The kind of guys who spend hours per week refreshing “this song slaps” just to be the first to have the new Trap Queen remix and relish in the fact that nobody’s heard it yet.

 

There are other guys who love blaring hip hop and will run the new Juicy J or Wiz mixtape straight into the ground within a week of it dropping.

 

And then there’s the crowd who are fraternity party purists and believe that playing anything other than 80s rock is heresy. While these guys have it somewhat right, the REAL heresy is playing this music anytime before midnight and/or when a significant portion of the party populous is extremely hammered (if you wanna cheat and not have to make a mix for this, I’ll plug this fratmusic.com set that does the work for you http://www.fratmusic.com/playlist/tfm-s-ultimate-blackout-sing-a-longs?autoPlay=true)

 

Theme

Here comes the fun part; picking the theme of the party.

 

This is more or less entirely up to you. There is a way to make pretty much any kind of dress/party theme into a cesspool of promiscuity.

 

  • Golf Bros and Tennis Hoes
  • Strict Teachers and Naughty Students
  • CEOs and Office Hoes
  • Cowboys and Farmer’s Daughters
  • Highlighter*
  • Dumbledore and Hogwarts whores
  • Construction workers and booty twerkers
  • 80s workout theme (think “call on me” music video)
  • ABC (anything but clothes)
  • TOGA
  • Jerseys

 

*Not a specific dress theme, but turns the party ignorant real damn fast

 

Essentially most of it boils down to “XXX male costume and sluts”. The beauty of having a dress theme is that it gives everyone an excuse to not have to wear regular clothes, meaning that the “improvised” outfits can be insanely sluttier. It also does a great job of transferring you to another world. An “escape from reality” if you will. With a dress theme, girls tend to take the party a helluva lot more seriously and almost get lost in the theme, or at least just become much more susceptible to what their scantily clad body is telling them to do. I’ve gotten many a hookup simply from a French maid coming over to “clean me up” or a 80s workout girl wanting to “do some yoga with me”. It’s magical in its own right.

 

The more original the party idea, the better. You wanna get girls totally geeked to come over for this exclusive new theme party you guys are having. You wanna get them to create new costumes and come up with crazy new interpretations of skanky ass outfits

 

We had some EXTREMELY unique themes during my time living in the house. If you’re looking for something that’ll make the girl’s clothes easy on the eyes and even easier to remove, feel free to send me an email.

 

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